WTF? Abducted by Aliens?

Help! I may have been abducted by aliens! 

That might sound kinda crazy, but, it's possible...I guess (ok--I don't remember--satisfied?). It all has to do with my seemingly paranormal lapses in both time and memory, on an epic scale. These two phenomena, 'missing time' and/or memory loss, have both been associated with the bizarre; alien abductions, hallucinations, and psychopathology. Although I'm pretty sure the latter two can be ruled out, I just can't shake the 'abduction' thing. The problem is, most so-called abductees have memories of the abductions, and the usual schema relating to aliens, spacecraft, and yes,  the dreaded 'anal probe' (Oh, no! Not the anal probe! ). Suffice it to say, I don't have any conscious recollection of that sort whatsoever--I just can't remember shit, and I have no clue as to what has occurred in the near past.  Sure, I can remember certain events and conversations, but as to when they actually occurred, I have no concept. I now (cleverly) use the phrase "...the other day" when attempting to convey some temporal aspect of a given event. Problem is, it could have been the other month, or even 'sometime in the last few years'--it still seems like it was 'just the other day', to me--I have no clue.

WTF? Where does all that time go? It is more than a bit disturbing that I am apparently no longer able to distinguish or relate to temporal events in the near-past. What is my near-past? I don't have the foggiest. The other day, I got a two month's past due notice re: my dog's heart worm meds. Man, I raced over to the calendar, and then to the drug cabinet, and wondered "WTF?" as I peeled off a page on the calendar and tossed an (empty) medicine box into the trash. Had I lost an entire freaking month? It seems dubious. Granted, given the right contextual cues, I may be able to whip out some details even Brainiac 5 would be proud of. Regardless, I would still be left blinking if someone inquired about when, and likely where, I learned said detail. "Ummm... well, the other day, not long ago..."  

I guess having shit for memory can have some advantages. I can watch reruns and old movies without getting bored (or sometimes even without a clue re: what happens next). Its also a great excuse for 'forgetting' someone's birthday, ands/or missing so-called 'important' deadlines or appointments. Even if you get excoriated  for screwing up, you likely won't recall it, soon enough--a win-win.

Now that I got to thinking on this, it seems as though these lapses are fairly recent phenomena, and *not* attributable to 'old age' (I'm not that old). Mayhap it is related to this podunk town I ended up in? Yes, that must be it. Blame the freakin'  podunks, and their bass-ackwards ways! They probably spike the water (or air?) with some native concoction (shamanistic substance?), in order to 'dumb-down' anyone who stays long enough to absorb 'x' amount of it--there are a lot of 'Native-Americans' here, ya know. 


Q: Why would 'they' do such a thing?  Maybe so the population doesn't seem as ignorant and in-bred as they truly are...AHA! Further, if one stayed in the area long enough, one's IQ would dip down into the L-O-W double digits, blending in with the locals, perfectly. OK, I see it all now; a system devised as a means of adding a bit of genetic diversity into their stagnant gene pool. There is a chance that breeding could occur, even here... (Man, I gotta get outta here, and soon!). Ok. So, this whole memory/time losing thing probably wasn't about an alien conspiracy, after all--it's more likely a 'podunk' thing...

More on Podunks, later...

GT