The other day, I started noticing some unwanted occupants (OK, ants) in my coffee 'fixin' zone. For background purposes, this the area where I stock my strategic reserves of both creamer and sweeteners, to be used in my daily coffee intake. Part of the area is used to store my reserves of fixins, and another is used to pour and mix. My twin towers of sugar and sweetener (Splendiferous), alongside my extra-rich creamer, and assorted support items, and such (eg., plastic spoons). For those who are not real coffee consumers, or those that partake lightly, let me assure that the area plays a significant role in supporting my daily energy needs; the key to maintaining a level of 'get-up-n-go' required by my "morning person" persona.
I gotta tell you that it was, initially, not all that disconcerting. After all, I can tolerate a few 'natives' in my zone, and they are welcome to the scraps and waste left behind, perhaps as a consequence of early-morning exuberance. Gotta maintain that coffee flowing into the bloodstream, after all. So, yeah, as long as they didn't threaten my daily routine, and the flow of coffee, everything was copasetic. However, I had underestimated these occupiers' tenacity, as well as their sheer numbers and capabilities. What started as a few scouts and scroungers evolved into a horde of enemies exerting their claim on MY area.
Initially, the response was to smack a few, and wipe the counter clean of the remains and remaining. Soon, however, there were too many for such partial measures. Then it was time to get serious. In response to the apparent takeover, I got out a can of 'bathroom cleaner'--you know, the bubbly kind--and hit them with an airstrike of epic proportions--Shock and awe, man! I left them struggling in the toxic, sickeningly-sweet smelling bubbles for all their peers to discover, lest they ever dare invading 'my' area, or threatening my strategic reserves again. I figured that would do it. Later I came and cleaned up the mess, and noted with satisfaction that there were no more enemies in view. I figured the rout was sufficient to intimidate those pests for an extended period, but I was mistaken.
After a brief lull in activity, the ants returned, albeit in smaller numbers. They began to infiltrate the tray containing the reserve containers. It was soon apparent that these knaves had actually gotten into the containers! Man, I had no idea how they had managed to get into those; after all, they had snap-close pour spout covers. These usurpers were threatening the flow of fixins, and potentially affecting my everyday existence (lame as it is). Not to mention the economic impact; I had just filled up that sugar, which was to be my reserve for maybe a year (I personally don't use the stuff, so only guests typically use).
To make matters worse, the container invasion was first reported/witnessed by my son, who is kinda squeamish about bugs, germs, black dots in white crystals, and such, so it became imperative that I empty the entire contents and start anew, with a fresh supply. They had decimated my two towers--I even had to go purchase a whole new bag of sugar (man, that stuff is like gold nowadays?). Truth be told, sans the eyewitness, I likely would have simply scooped out the violators and ensured a good seal for future prophylaxis. No such half-measures though; my 'street-cred' would suffer without a crushing victory and total restoration of order--and damn the expense!
After a sufficient build-up of energy, I soon retaliated with another airstrike, this time sparing no expense. It was like hitting a fly with a sledgehammer. Although there was really no contest, I had 'mission accomplished' in no time. Even wiped up their pheramone trails. Yeah, there might be a few 'in the wild' who might someday return for a rematch, but suffice to say it was indeed, a total victory. Now my reserves are safe, the coffee flows freely, and its a bug-free zone. Funny, I have come to love the smell of bathroom cleaner in the morning--it smells like--victory!
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