Update: New-found Insights on Being a Cheap-Ass Bastard...

I gotta say, being a Cheap-Ass Bastard (CAB) is becoming really difficult, especially when it comes to food. My 'wake-up' over the last couple years has brought me to new insights, and an appreciation for both health and 'health foods'--nearly a 180-degree shift!. No longer will I settle for the toxic, preservative- and chemical-laden foods I used to savor (well, eat, anyways)--and NO GMOs. Yeah, the shit is cheap in terms of $$ cost, but, in the long run, can be quite expensive, when one considers the effects upon one's heath and well-being. Yup, I woke up…what I thought I could never afford I now cannot afford not to purchase.

Wiping the sleep from my eyes has resulted in a different view on what I can claim as being 'cheap'. Now, what is cheap is that which is non-toxic (or least-toxic), is NOT genetically engineered, but also provides good nutrition at a fair price. Yes, one will feel the bite and tug at the purse strings when considering what to choose, especially if considering organic vs processed crap I used to scarf up.

A lot of the attitude changes were pressed into service when I discovered that we were/are [basically] under chemical and biological attack by the multi-national corporate purveyors of poisons, and their gubment minions in the 'alphabet agencies' (once understood to be our protectors). When looking down the aisles at the local *mart or supamaaket, I now see the vast majority of the so-called 'foods' residing there are really food-like products, with no clear link to natural food's nutritional value, and most hardly fit for consumption (not even to my dog). So, yeah, that shit is no bargain, regardless of cost.

I now cringe at the thought of having to eat out of boxes and cans, especially after previewing their ingredient lists. OK, I confess that I still eat some of that, and use it for prepping (hey, its got preservatives), but I minimize my exposure AMAP. I go in there looking for fresh or fresh-frozen greens, fruit, and produce, and locally baked breads. I'm much more finicky about processed junk and 'meats'. The thing is, one must strive to prepare and process one's own food, rather than leaving that to the corporate whores--they will simply 'soft-kill' you, without hesitation, if it makes them a hefty profit. "Chemicals and additives that are carcinogens/excitotoxins/toxins/genetically spliced-in? or poisonous? ...no problem". ON TOP OF THAT? BPA-laden canned and bottled stuff; why NOT make them all fat, diabetic, and infertile? Pfft. Go for the glass, man--THE GLASS...

One thing that sets these [$$-costly] less-processed foods apart is that they require more TIME & EFFORT to prepare and cook. This inconvenience is probably the main factor that keeps people buying the poisonous crap they KNOW they shouldn't. I'll put it this way; if you don't make it from 'scratch', you're likely poisoning yourself with a host of crap you cannot pronounce, and likely has never been tested for adverse fx (eg., many chemicals & all GMO products and BYPRODUCTS) One usually can't simply rip open a box or can and slop it into the microwave, if we are talking 'real' food. Now, I do have time in my day to cook, but I'll admit to being lazy on occasion, and succumbing to the siren wail of the Bean and Bacon Soup or some chili w/ beans and a hotdog--or even a sandwich on white bread. Hey, I'm only human--but I really put an effort out to minimize that.

Anyways, Now my CAB mission is to locate foods that are actually good for me, at the best price. For example,  it is much cheaper to get frozen veggies instead of fresh, and usually one can save some prep-time because they are often chopped and washed already. Pesticide residue is pernicious and I often question my ability to get it off a lot of produce, especially on, like, kale. Therefore, sometimes it may not be best going the 'farm-fresh' route. Getting any fresh meat that isn't hormone/antibiotic-laden is nearly impossible, but I don't have a work-around yet, really. Thinking about raising some poultry in the back yard, and fish/veggies in an aquaculture setup…

MORE LATER, FOLKS…

GT

Dolla Stowe Penny-Pinchin' CAB Couponz

Booyeah! Gimme one of those bright yellow Dolla Stowe carts, and I'll careen through the crowded aisles until it is full or my wallet is empty! Savin' O' the Green! Again, I got some outstanding bargains in my local store, including a 30% more Bean-n-Bacon Soup, some DS branded raisen bran, and some chocolate-covered cashews, of all things (ya, they good). Cruising around, I managed to find all kinds of crap that I needed[?], but were somehow not on my 'list'. Dolla Stowe = fairly good place to get my dog, Ratchet, her fav 'red bones' in a 3# bag, and some chew stix too, at reasonable cost. Haven't seen those big bags O' rawhide chews she loves , anywhere, for awhile; wtf is up with dat??

Anyways, so I get outta there under $50, even after the $15 mini hi-velocity fan I impulsed into near checkout (hey, I needed a new, small, fan)--to my surprise, the receipt has like a 20% off coupon for the upcoming Saturday--what a grand deal ($5 off $25/+ purchase)! I might be out-n-abouts then, so mayhap I'll drop another $25 there, just to get the discount....yup--I is a CAB. No telling what indispensable item[s] I'll come across that will likely never make it onto a shopping list...

C.A.B. Update: HUNDRED DOLLA 'MATERS?

OK, time for the cheap-ass-bastard outlook on recent times (ie., summer):

Seems we got ourselves into a vicious circle of endless watering and shit, in hopes of 'saving' what could be referred to as 'a garden'. Truth be known, if it were all laid out in the open, that every to-mater coming out of my so-called 'garden' probably comes out to >/= $100 per pound; jalapeños a bit less, perhaps, and yellow Hungarian peppas around $50/lb. Of course, that cost incurred includes keeping a few things green around here--which could be well worth it. KK, I'm cheap, but, GREEN is worth the green, if you follow me. I made up for the shortfall by refusing to buy damned near anything from the produce section[s], except jalapeños & onions [who could live w/o those?]. So, If it don't come in a can, fugetaboutit.

Yes! Canned shit is still cheap, even 'maters. Yeah, sizes are generally shrinking, and costs going up, in general, but there's still bargains to-be-had for those willing to 'chop smart'. Hell, just the other day, I found some Campbell's Bean w/ Bacon soup [one of my all-tyme favs, since childhood] with 30% more! <gotta love that shit> Of course I stocked up, but now I regret not fillin' my cart more. Seems I overloaded on canned goods there, last tyme, and ended up with "cart deficiency" syndrome (you know; not enough room for all yo crap). I also got S-loads of a heretofore unknown brand of chili, both with and w/o beans. Ya, bargain chopping is not for the faint-of-heart; one might end up with a wholelotta caca, and buyers remorse, if the gamble goes the wrong way. Fortunately, it was fairly decent. A bit greas-idy, but...

Freakin' 'fresh' veggies have been outrageous! I just refuse to pay 'meat prices' for greens and shit that admittedly has few, if any, real food value. First, the overproduced food is grown in fields which have no leachable nutrients left, fertilized with oil byproducts, and plants often genetically modified taboot. Then, the stuff is picked green [not ripe], minimizing what real nutritive value can be obtained, and then we consumers foot the bill for all the supermarket waste [who do you think pays for their waste/excess/rotting/spoilage??]. Three-four bucks for a few bell peppers? I think not. Two Dolla 'maters? no. Big bucks for salad fixins that will most likely go mushy before you get to it? NOT. Gimme that can, man; at least the stuff is picked ripe and processed fairly quick, meaning you likely get more flavor and nutrients. At least, I hope so. Take a couple good multi-vitamins to make up for any deficiencies, and leave that $$ in your wallet. Buy coffee and cigarettes, and skip that annoying "breakfast" meal. Can-up, and cheap out, like the pro. If you must, get reasonable stuff like apples; they stay good long-tyme in TFM (The Fridge Monsta), and they are decent, price-wise, by the bag. Only thing is, they tend to rot in there, eventually <man, if only someone would core and peel me some, and just put em where they can be reached>
Lol!
<note: STILL looking for that someone who is nurturing enough to make me take care of meself--I've kinda given up on it, even though I'm pretty damned 'low-maintenance'. Wish me luck on that one...
/C.A.B. bullshit>

"Cheap-Ass-Bastard" (CAB) Tips: Eating Out...

As you well know from my previous writing on the subject, one is discouraged from squandering their ill-gotten gains on frivolities like 'eating out' at restaurants. However, given that one may tire of the drudgery inherent to preparing one's own food, and the reality that everybody will do so, at times, I've decided to provide a few useful guidelines and tips to allow filling of the belly, without emptying of the wallet:

• First, keep in mind the cardinal rule: its not about the quality of the food, but the quantity, in relation to what one must spend (#/$$/meal/pp ratio). Forget about both taste and nutrition value--remember, sedentary beings require few nutrients. Focus on the ratio. A genuine "Cheap-Ass-Bastard" (CAB) endeavors to get a whole lotta chow for the buck! Plan on going to places as close to home as possible, to both save time and lower transportation costs.
• Set a 'spending rule'; place a (psychological) price-point limit that you are willing to pay for a meal, and stick to it! Masterful CAB spending allows up to 7 (yes, seven) dollars for a real splurge-fest, but 'everyday'-type meals around $3.00 are more reasonable--try to maintain a goal of spending as little as $2.50/meal/pp.
• Coupons are your friends; use them often! No self-respecting CAB will ever pay full price for a meal. Many come right to your mailbox, and others are online or in local newspapers and 'PennySaver'-type publications (free). You get bonuses for cheaping-out with a buffet coupon!
• Buffets and 'Dollar menus' are your best friends! OK, the buffets are for splurging. Local burger joints and mexican/taco 'restaurants' nearly always have the cheap-ass foods you love, at a ridiculous price. Given the time, effort, waste, and direct costs involved in preparing your own meals, these places may even be cheaper than if you fixed them at home. Real CABs go for the dollar-or less menu items+ water, of course.

1. Buffet Tips: Never order any drinks (unless they come with the buffet price)--drink water, and then restrict all drinking, so you can fill the stomach with excessive quantities of solid foods. Go for meats! breads and veggies take up precious space reserved for fats and proteins. Chew well, and take your time; one could spend a couple hours pigging out at any given buffet, if one gets there at the start. Let food settle between trips. (try this!)
2. Burger Joint Tips: You can have anything you like, as long as its on the 'Dollar' menu, but go with water for drinking, of course. If you want to fill up, order two burgers (instead of one plus fries), unless there is someone to share a fry (eg., 1 Lg. fry per 3-4 people cheaping-out together). if you just need something to eat, try a double-cheap-burger and a large wa-wa--we're talking about $1 +tax/meal/pp! Given the place has the dollar menu you're after, and even that you are gonna pig out, we're talking about a meal for $2-2.50 pp! (If you solo this, and you just have to get fries, go for the dollar fries or 'small' with your double-cheap-burger). Believe me, either way, you will get beau-coup calories, fat, and sodium enough to last all day.
3. Taco Joint Tips: One of my favorites is the taco joint, or facsimile, with a condiments bar! These places can fill you up with their bean & staple foods on-the-cheap! Whether you are ordering for there or to go, you can load up on condis to reap some of the best ratios imaginable--approaching $1/meal/pp! The only disadvantage is that you must go inside to load up the goodies. However, with a condiments bar, you can transform two puny-ass bean burritos, simple tostadas or tacos into masterpieces of culinary delight, brimming with so much food that it will not only fill you up, but you will likely have food to go left over. I personally go with either two burritos or a burrito and tostada combo (off the dollar or less menu [eg., .89 each], we're talking two bucks for a potential two-meal-deal!). Load these up with the fresh tomato/onion salsas, liquified salsas, jalepenos, more onions, and whatever else  available to transform puny, deficient entrees into huge, overladen, vessels of plunder! Unroll that burrito and stuff 1/2# of veggies and salsas in there, and then chow out! Stuff and take the other item with you for another quick meal at home, later. (try this anywhere there is a condiment bar!) Water for here, please....

Well, these are GT's best tips for cheap-ass bastards. Try these techniques and apply the rules to 'save the green' wherever you go, when you just have to eat out. You can go to these same places and drop a huge wad of cash for more lavish menu items, but hey, it's all going to turn into smelly brown stuff by the next day, and the nutrition values/caloric content will be similar (or worse)--So, just don't do it...